...since my long-ago boyfriend lied and said he couldn't see me anymore because he had family problems, when in reality he had simply ceased liking me. (mars02/13/00)

Yes, still bitter yet sort of whatever. If that makes sense.

Anyway, I wound up going to commons twice today. No biggie, right? Except both times I went for dinner. Ha. Oh well, so did three other people so it's all good. I have meals to kill.

Anyway, I turned the heater thing up to eighty degrees before I left, so now the room is all sauna-ed out, just the way I like it. Now I can walk around naked and not get piloerections.

Anyway.

Spaz is changing majors so he's going to sell me his barely-used ICS books for a very good price. Thank you Spaz. He gave me advice: don't be lazy. W (I think I'm going to start calling him Hot Cross Buns because he can play Hot Cross Buns on the flute....Hot Buns for short muahahhaha okay so maybe I won't) told me "Don't play counterstrike don't play starcraft don't play video games...." so I'm like Oh...that won't be a problem and then stupid Spaz (yes I just thanked him a few sentences ago but I can still call him stupid because I said so) interjects with "Yeah and don't sign onto AIM." Damn.

I was telling Sar that I wanted to go home really really bad. I mean, I guess I'm okay here but I still want to go home.

You know what I miss? Walking around campus with the distinct feeling of belonging. This is my school and I love it. Yes my ghettolicious high school. I loved it and I felt like I really belonged there. There I had my own little niche and my own identity, while here I'm sorta stuck to the edges. Part of the whole but not quite...you know? I'm still not entirely comfortable, which is a little disconcerting. I still miss the security. Bah.

All the same everything has been a learning experience. My social skills have been forced out. My small talk skills have risen considerably. The number of new people I have met have just helped me determine what kinds of people I like. It also exposed me to a whole new world. I never quite realized how sheltered I was, with my good-kid group of friends, surrounded by the good honors students I had grown to know and love.

Interesting...how last year I walked through campus and really appreciated it for the first time. My freshman year I was racing towards my senior year, eager to leave. Senior year...passed too quickly. Once I learned to appreciate what I had it was almost too late. Thank goodness I had realized it before I had graduated. I would walk to class appreciating it so hard that my stupid heart with its stress-induced palpitations would be just bursting. Yes I am just mushy and sentimental like that.

No more rambling. Time to study. It is finals week, after all.

Speaking of, miss XL just IMed me a beautiful poem. Have a go at it.

Twas the night before finals,
And all through the college,
The students were praying
For last minute knowledge.

I stared at my notes,
But my thoughts were muddy,
My eyes went ablur,
I just couldn't study.

I'd nearly concluded
That life was too cruel,
With futures depending
On grades made in school.

When all of a sudden,
Our door opened wide,
And Patron Saint Put-It-Off
Ambled inside.

What kind of student
Would make such a fuss,
To toss back at teachers
What they tossed at us?

On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes!
On Last Year's Exams!
On Wingit and Slingit,
And Last Minute Crams!

Your teachers have pegged you,
so just do your best.
Happy Finals to All,
And to All, a good test.